Vatican issues Commandments of the Road.
My brothers in the conclave through their infinite wisdom have decided to put together a set of guidelines for the drivers of the road. With the rash of driver rage that has been witnessed they thought it a perfect time to refresh our memories as to how to behave while behind the wheel of a car.
For those of you who like me are Catholics, I'm going to warn you now. If you don't abide by these rules you're going to hell. I know, I know..... it seems harsh but that's what makes being Catholic SO much fun. The harshness of guilt mixed with a dash of hypocrisy to keep you on your toes. For those of you who aren't Catholic well....I'm sorry to say....you're going to hell anyways so worry about it.
So let's go over the commandments for all you noobs out there I will add comments where necessary.
You shall not kill.
That’s a really good start. You see right away they tell you what you shouldn’t be using the car for i.e. killing others. And unfortunately…..that includes small animals. Now I have to find a new hobby. Just when I was getting really getting good and running over squirrels they kill my Olympic dreams.
The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
I had to read this twice because I was convinced the Vatican was in affect condoning people having sex in their cars. Which is all right in my books!
Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
In other words…smile, sit up straight and allow the person who cut you off to clearly pass you before flipping them the bird and calling into question their mother’s virtue. I think this is pretty straightforward.
Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
When I was younger (and more stupid) I got a lap dance from a young lady who while she was dancing was giving me this story about how her car was in an accident. All this time I’ve been feeling guilty when in fact I nailed this commandment spot on.
*Looks up to sky*
I want credit for this God!
Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
Spoken like someone who drives a GEO metro or has a really small penis.
Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
Finally the Vatican is acknowledging that there are certain external forces that when put on human beings can affect how they behave on the road. Alcohol and drugs is a “no brainer” here. But I’d like to add stupidity to the list.
“Dad? Can I have the car tonight?”
“No son…I’m afraid not”
“Why not dad?”
“Well…you’re an idiot and I’m already embarrassed by that. I don’t relish the further shame you would bring to our family by killing someone in our AMC Pacer Wagon……again. Now go back downstairs and surf the porn sites like you normally do.”
Support the families of accident victims.
Thank God they mentioned this because otherwise I would have made fun of them.
Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
I’ll bet you have the same question I do when you read this. “Since when did Dr. Phill become and adviser to the Vatican?” This has the makings of a new reality T.V. show.
On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
Nope! Not gonna even try this one. The way I figure it, if you’ve purchased a KIA….. you have to learn to defend yourself.
Feel responsible toward others.
My wife will tell you I’m barely responsible for myself and now I have to be responsible for others? I pity them.
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Originally Posted by Skarbro
But I just know that someone will get offended sooner or later...
GO AWAY!!!!!
