need some advice

[dentinger]

alright, there is this certain individual (who will remain nameless at this time) that wont leave me alone.
he is an ex-friend of mine. basically, i got tired of him "using" me for my car, being dishonest, immature, and disrespectful towards me, my car, and my friends. (some of you may know that it was this individual who dented my passenger rear door)
anyways, i hate this kid (ive never really hated anyone in my life before), and he hates me.
anyways, everytime he sees me, he tries to start shit, like, talking shit to my gf, my friends, throwing things at my car (last time it was a water bottle), and then goes on and on on facebook with threats and lies and watnot.

i also just learned that he is in my gf's classes at school. he knows we are dating, so i have a feeling he's going to try to start some shit with her. i really like this girl, and i dont want this individual to be the cause of us breaking up.

i got a text from my gf today, saying that he talked to her today, and he said that if i ever came to his school, he's going to smash my car windows.

i want to beat this kids ass, but i know its not a good idea. what should i do?
ive told this kid to f*ck off on more that one occasion, and to leave me, my friends, and my car alone.

his dad is a cop (the biggest cop in burlington, according to him), the individual is 16, i know where he lives, and he knows where i live... and work.

so im asking everyone what i should do. i cant just ignore this kid, cuz he wont leave me alone.

also, im not the only one who is "ex friends" with him. it seems to be a pretty common occurance with him, but im the only one he picks on, and im trying to be mature, but its not working. im just getting sick of the "im going to knock you the f*ck out" , "im going to smash your windows" and all these other threats ive been getting.

so what should i do?

[KenYork]

so get audio/written copies of his threats.. witnesses will do too. Doesn't matter who his dad is once there is evidence.

[dentinger]

yupp, ive been saving all of his conversations, facebook message, and all that.

however, i have a feeling his dad will just pull some strings like he always does, and he'll get off scott free, as usual.

[MattC]

If his dad wasn't a cop, I would say beat his ass with a lead pipe. but since he has been threatening you, you can obivously print them out and take the threats to the cops, and get some kind of restraining order against him.

I find with these type of people, if you show them you are just as tough as them and dont back down if they get in your face, they usually jus go try to go after someone weaker, who will take their shit. Since people who talk shit very rarely can or will do anything to back it up.

so my vote is not to go to the cops, my vote is to just stand up to him and if he says "im gonna knock you the F* out" say something like "so do it then, stop talking about it, bring it on" if he actually hits you, then you can decide to hit back in self defence, or go to the cops and get him taken in for assault.

[06Touring3]

send a copy of the threats to his dad and let him know that if his son doesn't stop you will take legal action

or get a restraining order against him

also i like MattC's idea....but DON'T go and look for him...you'll get in trouble...if you are where he is let him start talking shit then provoke him....let him attempt to hit you then beat his ASS....

[Noisy Crow]

You could report him to the police. If you are worried about his Dad's influence, go to a police station different from where he works.

Is GF worried about this guy? Since he is making threats at school, you could also report him to that school prinicipal.

I do not know how old you are. I get the impression that you are still in high-school, or just out of school, probably still at home. Based on that assumption:

My very best advice: Tell your parents and ask for their help. If you were my kid, I would want to hear about it. And then *I* (the parent) would go over to the other kid's place and talk to the parents. You don't have to solve this yourself.

Now, the other kid *will* accuse you of hiding behind your parents etc. etc. And the correct response is: "Why the hell would I care what you think?" Although just thinking that and walking away without actually saying anything would probably be the wiser choice.

[MattC]

the only 1 hole in the goin to his parents plan, is sometimes, the kid is that way because of his parents, cause he gets beat up at home etc, and because of that he needs people to take his aggression out on.

Especially since his dad is a cop I can see him not giving a shit, and telling you to man up or something... you never know though.

[nicker]

id report it to the police and as noted perhaps a different precient. Perhaps file for a restaining order.

And if he tries to damage your car again open up a can on him. I know if it was my car and some punk threw bottle at it, id drop that ****er like a hurricane.

[Fobio]

You and your gf should both report separate incidents to your school under the "cyber-bullying" route (esp since you have all the FB and other electronic stuff saved)...since it's the topic of choice for a lot of parents, you'll make a better case for yourself...[cuz in a sense...most ppl, just let their kids have it at each other with fist fights and whatnot...]

also, it'll most likely be investigated by a different department than what his dad has jurisdiction over...and airing it publicly will get him where it hurts most...and disciplinary actions can be dealt out by the school...

[Noisy Crow]

the only 1 hole in the goin to his parents plan, is sometimes, the kid is that way because of his parents, cause he gets beat up at home etc, and because of that he needs people to take his aggression out on.

Especially since his dad is a cop I can see him not giving a shit, and telling you to man up or something... you never know though.

Yeah, I know. I was always the scrawny kid who was always picked on and pushed around. And I know know that some people don't give a sh*t how must trouble their kids are.

But I really believe that the best way to deal this kind of situation is to not do so alone, and not in an angry, confrontational manner. Unfortunately, that takes guts and maturity, which are too often lacking. It is some very hard for people to do, I know this. But going in mad, or going in scared rarely gives the best result.

[DumpInfo]

The whole legal approach is nice but hopefully that works. Otherwise, pay off a couple of strangers to beat the living *@&# out of him and walk away. As for your gf talking to this fella it's obvious she's aware of the whole situation and I think it's a slap in the face if she continues. I would be honest with her and ask her to ignore him if she trully respected you. Keep us updated!

[Propofol]

http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/

[Zoom Zoom Boy]

The whole legal approach is nice but hopefully that works. Otherwise, pay off a couple of strangers to beat the living *@&# out of him and walk away. As for your gf talking to this fella it's obvious she's aware of the whole situation and I think it's a slap in the face if she continues. I would be honest with her and ask her to ignore him if she trully respected you. Keep us updated!

Dentinger,

I'm essentially a stranger and I am very cheap...:chuckle

In all seriousness, you're received a number of very good suggestions. Personally, I think the approach suggested by Fobio and Noisy Crow are the most mature ways to try and put an end to this. Fobio is correct that a crack down on cyber bullying and all bullying in general, is very vogue at the moment and they take it very, very seriously. At minimum, I would just file a complaint with the school and it is highly probable that they will involve the police as a result of it. If not, the option of doing so yourself and also having your gf do so, provided she is willing of course, are still there.

Involving your parents to talk to this kids dad is also not a bad idea, but hey, I was younger once and i know what a stigma this can hold, especially for a young guy. It still is a good idea though...

The one thing that nobody mentioned, is actually going and talking to this kids Dad directly. Perhaps the dad is an idiot, but there is a good chance he is not and is not aware of his son's behavior to you in this regard. If you know where his dad works, make an appointment to see him either at the station or elsewhere, explain the situation, show him some of the threats you have saved electronically and tell him that if this situation is not resolved, your next step will be to file a complaint both with the schoolboard and with the police. I can almost guarantee that the Dad will take this seriously for at least one, if not both, of two reasons.

One, he might be a normal Dad and honest cop and will want to put an end to this ASAP. Or, he may still be a total asshat, but would soon realize what a huge embarassment this might be to him if his son is investigated and charged for bullying, especially with the all the proof you mention you have... If this guy is a senior officer or higher in the force, it will not be a good situation for him or his career, if his son comes up on charges and these potentially get leaked to the press who love reporting on these examples of "youthful bullying gone wild..." The police have a very tight-knit and nepotistic organization that frowns very much on family members with criminal records and behavior. Keep that in mind.

If you do talk to his dad and he tries to intimidate you, or dismisses you, then you take it to a formal complaint with the school and police. However, I bet you he will take you very seriously...:pop He will especially take you seriously if you have another person, ideally an adult like your parents, with you...

Good luck with whatever approach you choose and remember, if all fails, I am still very much a stranger and still very, very cheap. Since I have an MS3, I will work for premium gas. Okay, maybe not cheap, but cheap enough...:)

[Pimpin_29y]

Ok my advice isn't the most politically correct but here goes...

I gotta agree with MattC in standing up to the guy, worst case scenerio you get a few lumps and bruises. At the end of the day your ex-friend is 16 and I am assuming you are around the same age. Have the ol school yard fight and be done with it.

Your a teen, embrace it!! School yard scraps are a part of growing up!! If you cry now you'll cry later too in life...these are things that help mold you as an individual!! Sorry to say but be a puss now and you'll be a puss later...

There is nothing worst then living the rest of your highschool years known as a "Rat" or the lil puss that cried to his parents or police when someone threatened to "beat him up".

I remember when I was in highschool the kids that "cried" were the kids that got it even worse! Forget about HIM picking on you the whole world will...if u go and cry.

Now go and kick his arse!!!

[DumpInfo]

Hahaha I disagree. Years back in highschool worst you could get a probably a really good ass kicking...these days kids take it too far. Let's say he does kick his ass and it's a good fight. Next thing you'll notice his car gets demolished. Probably not the best approach. And even if he were to take it into court then he wouldn't win cause he fought back. One fight won = destroyed car. I don't think it's worth it.

The whole idea of him knowing where you live, work doesn't help your case. Take your parent as others have suggested probably smartest thing to do.

[dentinger]

thanks for all the responses everyone!

now, i have had a talk with his dad before, and it didnt go well. i wanted money for some money i lent the kid, and i wanted the kid to pay for the damage, and i got no luck at all. his dad just bitched at me for a good 5 minutes how i listened to other ppl, believe what i said, that why we're not friends anymore, i was treated nice at his house, blah blah blah, it was all bullshit, and basically, his dad took his side of everything, and didnt care wat i had to say at all.

so im going to tell my parents tonite about the situation.

i cant just go beat his ass, cuz im sure i'll end up with an assault charge.
im not in school, i work full time, im 20, and he's 16. however, i like the idea of self defence.

i just started dating this girl, and i dont really want to get her involved with all of this at the moment, but i may have to talk to her about the kid in a bit, but she does know that me and this kid are enemies.

[dentinger]

Hahaha I disagree. Years back in highschool worst you could get a probably a really good ass kicking...these days kids take it too far. Let's say he does kick his ass and it's a good fight. Next thing you'll notice his car gets demolished. Probably not the best approach. And even if he were to take it into court then he wouldn't win cause he fought back. One fight won = destroyed car. I don't think it's worth it.


exactly. i cant believe anything this kids says anymore, cuz everything he's ever said was pretty much a lie. but i could see him paying my car a visit one night, and damaging it. and when that happens, i'd have very little proof that it was him who did it, unless there is a witness to it.

[dentinger]

alright, a bit of an update.
i talked to my friends (who are also this kids "ex-friends"), and they also have been harrassed by this individual. they also have these conversations saved. so we may take a trip to the police station soon, to see if we can do anything with this situation.

i also talked to my parents, and they suggested the same thing. that i go to the police station, and have a chat with them.

hopefully all goes well and as planned.

[Noisy Crow]

alright, a bit of an update.
i talked to my friends (who are also this kids "ex-friends"), and they also have been harrassed by this individual. they also have these conversations saved. so we may take a trip to the police station soon, to see if we can do anything with this situation.

i also talked to my parents, and they suggested the same thing. that i go to the police station, and have a chat with them.

hopefully all goes well and as planned.

Sounds like a good plan!

[Cardinal Fang]

Dentinger,

The one thing that nobody mentioned, is actually going and talking to this kids Dad directly. Perhaps the dad is an idiot, but there is a good chance he is not and is not aware of his son's behavior to you in this regard. If you know where his dad works, make an appointment to see him either at the station or elsewhere, explain the situation, show him some of the threats you have saved electronically and tell him that if this situation is not resolved, your next step will be to file a complaint both with the schoolboard and with the police.

Excellent piece of advice and given that Dentinger has corroborating evidence from others this is the clincher.

[Nick]

I agree with Mattc's first post as his dad being a cop otherwise should straight up just kick his ass, those are definately grounds for a beat down. But yea, going the official route sounds a bit safer, maybe can start by asking your gf to report his threats/harassment during school. I'd just hate if you guys fought then he gets the advantage of calling police or other officials first.

just read the whole thread, can disregard any of this info =] Good Luck!

[JiNuWiNe]

so your gf is 16? That's underage man!1

You're much more mature than that punk, he's provoking you, don't fall for the bait. Make sure you have records of everything he does to you and if he DOES take action first, WHOOP HIS ASS *%*(%&!!!11

But seriously, I hope the girl isn't underage...

[FONZ]

Who is this kid. He says he'll smash your window? I'd like to see that if 16 cars were to pull up at his school. I'll deal with him, I have no shame in it.

[06Touring3]

so your gf is 16? That's underage man!1

You're much more mature than that punk, he's provoking you, don't fall for the bait. Make sure you have records of everything he does to you and if he DOES take action first, WHOOP HIS ASS *%*(%&!!!11

But seriously, I hope the girl isn't underage...

Agree...

Man...you're 20...he's 16...you shouldn't even be bothered...you're record won't erase in 2 years like his...plus HE'S A CHILD!!!!!!!!!

[DumpInfo]

Oh thought you were 18 or so...but a 20 with a 16 year old? Hehehe, she must look like really good to even think about dating a girl that young...but who cares really you like her and that's enough :)

(wonders) Why couldn't girls look like that when I was in highschool :bang

[dentinger]

yea, everyone thinks shes at least 18. and meh, im not too concerned about the age, ive had so few gf's, that im not too worried about it.

[dentinger]

alright, well, she listened to other ppl (even tho she said she didnt), believe wat the said, and broke up with me thru a text message today while i was at work.
i wasnt impressed. i kept telling her we needed to talk, and she never got back to me, so watever.

so i finally dont give a shit about anything anymore. im just going to spend more time with my better friends. i dont care about this "individual" anymore. apparently his parents took his side on everything, and they tihnk im some kid who went bad.
so watever, time to move on, and i hope this individual will too.

[Thrizzl3]

she broke up with you just because of some guy?? wow im just wondering did she actually love u cuz if she did..nothing would be able to separate you two..but since she did this to u i dont think there was true love involved..but thats just what i think.

[dentinger]

yea exactly.
she knew i hated that guy, and she appoligized after the first time they hung out, but she kept doing. so i figured, well, if she can hang with him, then im going out with my friend (a girl), and she tweaked on me over it saying that the individual said that i do stupid shit like this.
i kept saying we needed to talk about everything, but she would never text me back.
so oh well. im not too upset over it, cuz i was thinking about breaking up with her anyways.
and thanks for all the advice guys!

[GHANNAH86]

Hey,

Wish I had seen this post earlier. In this situation it is hard to not want to beat the kid. It is the wrong solution in this situation. I would strongly suggest if he keeps trying to come after you then you go to the RCMP and get a couple different restraining orders filed. Like one for electronic communication, being within such a distance of you and so on. Sounds like the guy in question is an absolute douche and I am sorry that your gf fell for him. But I agree with Fonz's statement. If his father is a cop and is ignoring what is happening then their is a big problem. I know a few cops and lawyers/judges and one of my Best Friends arrested his cousin for driving with a expired license and expired tags and expired insurance (weird story). The best advice I have gotten from one of my lawyer/judge friends is "Take a deep breath and be happy shit happens." Hope this helps.

[dentinger]

hmm... you can get restraining orders for electronic communication shit too?

and i still dont know the whole truth about everything, and i dont know who i can believe. old friends, new friends, random ppl who dont even know me, i have no clue.
so im just going on what ive found out for myself.
i wish i could have talked to her first, but i dont tihnk anytihng is going to make a difference. oh well. looks like its back to looking for someone better....

[Thrizzl3]

college girls are bomb:bana2 lol well at my school

[Soyabean]

sry to hear it turned out this way adam. But if that kid confronts you again i say u just give it to him. He deserves it and you dont have to worry about your ex saying anything cuz your not with her no more.

People like this have to learn a lesson before they get scared

[Thrizzl3]

hmm... you can get restraining orders for electronic communication shit too?

and i still dont know the whole truth about everything, and i dont know who i can believe. old friends, new friends, random ppl who dont even know me, i have no clue.
so im just going on what ive found out for myself.
i wish i could have talked to her first, but i dont tihnk anytihng is going to make a difference. oh well. looks like its back to looking for someone better....

restraining order on a guy younger than you?? i never knew that was possible

[dentinger]

college girls are bomb:bana2 lol well at my school

im not in college yet (yes, im 20, but im just working towards my apprenticeship), and i'll believe this 100%

anyways, whats done is done, im over it.

[openuser]

Sounds like your ex-GF isn't worth the trouble.. at lease not yet. She sounds immature and not up to a serious commitment yet.
With lack of communication in critical situations as you described, it wouldn't have worked out anyway, so don't feel bad.

Now, as for receiving what you rightfully deserve, as in security, don't let it slip away if this becomes a continuing problem.
You have rights to be protected from harassment in both physical and cyber world.

As for the age difference in relationships, I don't think it is a problem as long as both party accepts such difference and don't make a big deal out of it.
I am speaking out of experience: I've been in relationship with a girl 8 years older than I am for past 4 years, and we couldn't be happier with our lives.

[GHANNAH86]

To my knowledge and understanding you can get electronic restraining orders for email and so on. It's like getting a restraining order for some one who keeps calling you on the phone nad leavinging threatening messages. Also to my knowledge it doesn't matter on age. BUT I would recommend with checking with the police on it since they know the policies inside and out.

[06Touring3]

you can get a restraining order against anyone....but that's besides the point....

she's 16 so 2 things aren't surprising....
1. she listened to her friends
2. she broke up with u via text messge....

****'er....but you should beat the guy up out of spite now ;) LOL jokes

[DumpInfo]

Go with the restraining order or like you said put it to rest she's obviously not worth it so f.... it! If he ends up wrecking your car then sue the fool it'll hurt him like a b.... :)

There's plenty of girls plus school just started all girls are looking there best right now. Shouldn't be too hard to pick up another one.