Best things ever said by a customer / employee at your job

[Booter22]

so.. this may work. this may not but sometimes its fun to have a laugh at other peoples expense. soo heres one from today

customer comes in to work, asks if we could clean the inside of the windshield because the sun made it dirty...:bang:chuckle

[m_bisson]

Lol

I have too many...

[staax]

My very first job was working in the produce department at a grocery store, about a year into that job I had some random guy walk up to me and ask for:

"Shit-free Garlic"

Me: "I'm sorry what are you looking for, sir?"

Him: "Did you know China uses human fecal matter to grow their produce? - I see the garlic you have for sale is from China. I would like some shit-free garlic please".

Me:
https://riccardosuselessmarathonblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/poker_face_meme1.jpg

[Booter22]

Last weekend was fun too, I had a customer who purchased the car from our dealer and not return since December because they live in Mississauga. they were told by another dealer and small shop they needed tires. I measured them myself. front tires at 3/32nds to the wear bar and backs were 5/32nds from the bar. so really 5 and 7/32nds to bald. they got mad at us because we didn't agree they needed tires and that the other dealer that we have no relation to didn't tell them they need to rotate them.. better yet they still sent in a customer relations case to Hyundai that we didn't help them...

[RHenryMZ3]

Customer: So why is there so many holes in the wall.

Me: Its a climbing wall, there's suppose to be holes (for all the climbing holds)

:bang

[Cab0oze]

Not said, but sent out to all employees last year. Bombardier on "The Evolution Of Mobility" (their slogan): "Think of yourself as a penguin and you`ll be all right."
http://i1233.photobucket.com/albums/ff399/Cab0oze/WalkLikeaPenguine_zpsgtzedwgl.png

[Default User]

CoWorker compliments customer on how the dog inside their car looks so cute.

"Ummmm. That's my son"

LMFAO. Spent 15 minutes cleaning coffee off of my workstation/computer screen.

[Kiyomi]

used to work at krown rustproofing. I used to jockey the cars in and out of the work bays for the most part. finished cars were parked outside with a slight uphill (in-gear, e-brake).

the customer comes out of the office area, gets in car, as im walking away, she stalls the car. I look back and she begins to yell at me, "why the f did you leave the car in gear?"
I respond, "because the cars are on an uphill and thats how you park a manual and what Ive been told by the boss to do so."... at this point i was stunned and polite.
She gets out of her car, and begins to argue with me for a few minutes and tries to teach me a lesson on how to drive stick... she goes on, "Do you even know how to drive a manual? I was taught by my dad and he is most definitely a better driver than you are." lmfao!. She then threatened to go and tell the boss how bad a worker i was, only because she was embarrassed for stalling the car in front of me and a few people. in any case, i told her, "go right ahead, i know how to drive stick, have a nice day." she screamed a bit more and then left. told the boss and he laughed.

I remember it vividly cause it showed me how some people really are when they think they're in the driver seat.

[dentinger]

I always leave them in gear, but from habit of working at a shop in Ontario for years, I rarely use the ebrake.

But alas, the customer is always right. Somehow.

[gabbygenier]

Oh the joys of working in the customer service world. i worked at canada computers full time and part time for 5 years.

a few stand out from my time there.

customer comes in for a power adapter for his laptop. showed him the universal 120W ones. said they fit the laptop he has since it was a common one (HP) he then proceeds to tell me it wont work cause his power adapter is 100W. i tell him the adapter could be 1000W but that wouldn't matter, the laptop would only use what it requires. proceeds to keep arguing with me. even tells me hes going to university for electrical engineer. at that point i just said we don't have the one hes looking for and HP sells them for 100$, have a good day, and walked away.

another one was when french customers would basically shit talk about us in french and not even think for a second any of us would speak french. had a customer ask for a for an anti static strap. we didn't have any at the time. i asked why they needed that. he said cause the instructions in the CPU box says he needs one. i tell them that these days, electronics is pretty tolerant to electronic discharge. as long as you're not in a super dry/hot room, on carpet while rubbing your feet on the ground. you will be fine. they go talk to each other in french and basically say i'm an idiot. they come back and talk french to me and ask where the guy the were talking to was. i said it was me, he then realized i could speak french and understood everything they just said. the look on their faces was awesome haha.

[Kiewan]

I worked at the Canada Post RPO at Sunnybrook plaza for 3 years which paid for uni.

It's worthy to note that almost every customer came in grumpy because their parcel was lost 10 years ago or left outside in the rain or something.

Anyway, DEC 22 or 23rd at 6pm. A customer comes in with a huge box which weighs 15+lbs and needs to get it to Germany by Christmas -_-
After I explained that there was no service that could get it there in time and FedEx which would be a few days late was like $300+, she began swearing at me. Before she left I very bluntly told her to buy an airplane ticket and maybe, just maybe it might get there in time.

There was also a UPS store down the plaza, so when customers would complain how expensive it was, I suggested the UPS store as an alternative. After 15 min. Or so they would be back and quietly except the charges for CAN Post.

It was a crap job but it did teach me not to take crap from anybody.

[Slade]

I worked Tech Support for a Cable Company...just use your imagination.

"Yes we have a big wall of switches each one for a specific house"
"Im going to need you to give me the "exact" name of the VOD that did not work in order to credit you" , some people actually didn't want the credit after this ;)

Customers seem to get really flustered when you start reading back all the of the adult titles back to them...

[midnightfxgt]

Worked at Roxio (The CD Burning software) for a year in Support.

Customer (who was actually really nice) - I love the software, but can't burn more than a song or two on a CD, or my PC shuts off.
Me - Thats Strange

We go through some troubleshooting steps, and I'm lost.

Me - Lets go through this, start to finish together, on the phone.
Customer - OK

Starts burning a CD full of music

Customer - There! It just did it. My PC is rebooting. It has the Windows logo on the screen.
Me - Let it finish, and lets see if any errors pop up
Customer - Whenever it does this, Windows never loads, the logo just moves around the screen
Me - Grab your mouse and wiggle it
Customer - Seriously?
Me - Seriously
Customer - OMG. The screensaver was changed. I'm going to be THAT customer you tell everyone about.
Me - Maybe not EVERYONE


We used to get some real unique stuff.

[tweak_s]

....
Me - Seriously
Customer - OMG. The screensaver was changed. I'm going to be THAT customer you tell everyone about.
Me - Maybe not EVERYONE


We used to get some real unique stuff.

Seems she had a good sense of humour at least with that last sentence!

While working in retail:

Customer: "Where can I find a 32 jiggabyte U-B-S?"

[Scottobot]

I was in a meeting and someone was challenging the presenter's premise. After giving a few unsatisfactory answers which everyone started jumping on, he said to us: "Don't worry about how the sausage is made, just enjoy the sausage".

[Mitchell3]

I wish I could remember more. All sorts of crap on the daily when dealing with tenants. After brainstorming for a bit the one I probably laughed the most at:

Showing a rental home to a prospective tenant, we come to the bathroom which had a bidet attachment on the toilet. He walks up to it cheerfully "what is this?!". I was lost for words as to how to explain professionally how a bidet works. Before I had a chance to explain he turns it on and it sprays water all over his crotch, the floor, the wall and he yells grossed out "UGHHHH Something WEIRD?!". We both laughed a bit but then I had to proceed to show the rest of the house without laughing through the entire thing. He did not rent the property :chuckle.

[Booter22]

not so much something said but something that happened.

I was a manager at a Canadian tire many moon ago when I was 20, customer comes up to me. starts asking all sorts of questions about returning something open and used. which of course I said you can not return but if it is defective you can exchange it. which is stupid to me now because sure ill talk the exchange.. then return it new. HA but anyway we go back and forth for a few minutes then he asks to speak to the department manager because as a young person how could I know what I was talking about.. I said oh ok ill go get him. I walk into the back. grab my Gold manager name tag.. :cool then I come out and said how can I help you sir. he said yes I want to speak to the manager.. I tapped my name tag twice. he then looked at me and so oh.. ok have a good day.

:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

[genericmoniker]

Wasn't a job, but it was high school auto class.

Girl comes in with a completely flat front tire. I'm talking absolutely zero air. Anyways, she hops out of the car and proclaims in a loud voice to the auto teacher. "Sir, my tire is flat, but it still has air on the top, so I don't know what's wrong". I had/have a habit of leaning back onto the rear 2 legs of my chair, and I just about lost it. Of course, auto teacher does his best to keep a straight face, and sound concerned. As soon as she steps out, this man was holding back tears.

For those wondering, front spring snapped, edge turned into the tire and gouged a fairly solid hole into the sidewall (all the way around, so more of an opening).

[Booter22]

happened this week. oh man people are fantastic.

customer tows car in. its dead I mean you put a booster on it she starts take the booster off has no lights at all kinda dead. very simple. battery first. customer gives me a song and dance but says ok. so we do it, they ask me to check codes for engine lights. we did. a bunch of history stuff related to low battery voltage. the customer was in in june for a no start concern that we found no fault in, we also didn't charge them for. then 2 months after that in august the customer went to there friends shop and were told they needed a battery. the customer got mad at me and even my manager for us telling him that he needed a battery and had to pay to put it in, was also upset that he knew for 2 months and didn't put it in and then had to pay us and even more upset we didn't tell them in june when he was here that he needed a battery and take his money then. it was a very confusing conversation. but very good for a laugh

[Jsquared]

I work at the University of Toronto, specifically in the Aerospace Department. I had a student come up to tell me he had an idea (Keep in mind this is a PhD student in Aerospace)....He mentioned he had been thinking about this for a while but he felt as though the Air Conditioning would likely work more efficiently if we closed all doors and windows. He then went on to show me the temperature graphs he has made for when windows are open vs closed when the AC is running.

I thought for sure he was joking but sadly he was not.

[loki]

I work at the University of Toronto, specifically in the Aerospace Department. I had a student come up to tell me he had an idea (Keep in mind this is a PhD student in Aerospace)....He mentioned he had been thinking about this for a while but he felt as though the Air Conditioning would likely work more efficiently if we closed all doors and windows. He then went on to show me the temperature graphs he has made for when windows are open vs closed when the AC is running.

I thought for sure he was joking but sadly he was not.

PhD = Piled Higher and Deeper (referring to the shit we learn in school)

[Aitch]

I work at the University of Toronto, specifically in the Aerospace Department. I had a student come up to tell me he had an idea (Keep in mind this is a PhD student in Aerospace)....He mentioned he had been thinking about this for a while but he felt as though the Air Conditioning would likely work more efficiently if we closed all doors and windows. He then went on to show me the temperature graphs he has made for when windows are open vs closed when the AC is running.

I thought for sure he was joking but sadly he was not.

I lived with other grad students who didn't understand the concept of setting a target temperature on a thermostat. When it was cold, the thing would be set at 90F. When it got hot, it was set to 60F. I was constantly resetting it to realistic temperatures.

[m_bisson]

Some of the people I grew up with have PhD's... There really isn't an intelligence requirement to get one, it's really just about how long you're willing to be in school.

Sure, they might "know" a lot about their area of study, but "understanding" seems to be a lot more difficult for them.

[Jsquared]

Yes agreed...what I have learned over the years here is that they are brilliant in their exact line of study but pretty clueless otherwise haha.

[patrickdominick]

A lady came into partsource today and asked me if I can install her fuel cap for her. Lol.
She said a mechanic quoted her 100$ for them to change it and to clear the code out.
She also told me I wasnt listening her correctly because I told her how to "install" it.

[Cab0oze]

I work at the University of Toronto, specifically in the Aerospace Department. I had a student come up to tell me he had an idea (Keep in mind this is a PhD student in Aerospace)....He mentioned he had been thinking about this for a while but he felt as though the Air Conditioning would likely work more efficiently if we closed all doors and windows. He then went on to show me the temperature graphs he has made for when windows are open vs closed when the AC is running.

I thought for sure he was joking but sadly he was not.

Good lord. Please do not this person wind up with a teaching position.

[Jsquared]

In his defense, this guy is a pretty good guy all around. He just got his new company off the ground designing aerodynamic wheels. He met with Toyota, Nissan and Mazda and all three companies are currently waiting on the prototypes to be complete.

Only the best of the best end up teaching in Aerospace. Most of our grads just take basic engineering consulting jobs.

[loki]

In his defense, this guy is a pretty good guy all around. He just got his new company off the ground designing aerodynamic wheels. He met with Toyota, Nissan and Mazda and all three companies are currently waiting on the prototypes to be complete.

Only the best of the best end up teaching in Aerospace. Most of our grads just take basic engineering consulting jobs.

Maybe the wheels work better when you wind up your windows

[6strings]

Someone told me "Smoking cigarettes while pumping gas isn't dangerous"
At that point, i smile and said "You are right about everything in life"